There are many questions that baffles anyone including me… one being for all the difficulties/tensions/stress.. The quintessential “Why me? Those questions include the whole gamut of experiences within the mind and outside the mind.. within the body and from the universe as well.
Disability is a powerful tool to understand what’s lacking in your body and sometimes how mind can compensate what body is lacking. Whenever someone who sees me as “disabled child” and used to comment on Karma – the destiny , I used to get angry and felt so restless about the word “Karma”
Even when I am told that, everything has a purpose including the disability.. I never believed that ..feeling “ what the heck? Other than modifying everything for me including the quality of breath I take and my environment and living a compromised life ..what purpose would my disability have ?? “ I used to get tensed and pressured whenever someone says this. I always wonder at the presence of divine or miraculous things that has happened to me.
Let me explain some .. what all the things I have positive effect on :
I have started social service when I am in extreme pain and unable to sleep. I must thank my mentors My grandmother and my father who has advised me to do so. There were days and years I used to get nightmares of 22 surgeries that are performed on me and the extreme pain and medication side effects. I looked at walls, cried, wanted to die, sleep depravity and unable to focus. Slowly when I had started working, the pain has become manageable and I used to get thoughts of pending works, persons unable to reach and various other positive things. Then I handled positive stress of achieving or not able to achieve all my development goals. I wondered will I be able to sleepy fully.. these were days in the years 1996-2000. I challenged pain with positive work. Then tried to do it without attaching any value to me . ITS MOST IMPORTANT THAT , YOU FEEL HUMBLE DOING ANY WORK. HOWEVER SMALL AND BIG THEY MAY BE.. LIKE MOTHER TERESA SAYS- WE FORGOT WE BELONG TO EACH OTHER. MEANS.. I AM DOING THE WORK.. RATHER FECILITATING THE WORK THAT BELONGS TO THEM, AS I BELONG TO THEM..!
Still the physical perfection or support eluded me . trapped in a wheelchair.. how far you can go ? just moving your hands barely and go to your bathroom and live watching world helplessly.?? There were days when I am not even unable to type these mails or buckle strap of my pant or wear my dress. Then a Guru came in form of Shri Gangadhar Garu of vizianagaram, who taught me diligently for two years. He convinced the narcissistic me the power of posture despite severely operated and compromised spine. Those two to three years with yoga made me understand the power re-generation. A small stint with Ayurveda gave me enough strength and an acceptance that things may come to normal.
Giving I have been doing since 20 years of my life as social entrepreneur. But Ram Sundher taught me giving selflessly and without any attachment or jealousy of the flow of events. I must thank him for that opportunity. In giving section, my husband Anand who is a pioneer for me regarding, alternative therapies made me understand many concepts. My spells of depression, anxiety over unfinished works and other insecurities dissolved. I never knew at that time , one after another the flow of negative energy that was expelled from you in form of miraculous pain and dissolving of pain as the way as it comes. With anand my side, in all my therapies and struggles with disability, we are a team.
Prophesy & Acceptance:
My mother used to dream of my walking, she used to have list of her wishful thinking about me. I said.. nah.. every mother feels the same way. Later Advocate and my senior Krishnakumar Bhagawathi, who prophesied about my marriage and walking and divinity.. I thought ..oh! he respects my struggle and love me like his own sister, so its natural. After that a mysterious Ayurveda doctor and astrologer who told me that, you need to walk to feel normal … I thought oh! Unable to move my feet an inch, he is expecting too much..!
I must thank them all … I was naïve and fool before nature and divine, which takes its own time.
Alternative Therapies and Letting go of things:
A brief stint with alternative therapies like acupuncture from Dr. Gopan, reiki made me understand the pain points and managing. Vipassana meditation chiseled my detachment and challenged me to work towards it. I am ever thankful to Sri John Hemanth Kumar garu for and Anand again for pushing a reluctant, talkative me into silencing my mind and focus on body. I forgot I once had sleep depravity and unclear vision about things. Diet given by Anand, and new braces is making the balance slow and steady
Ayurveda & Dr. Ravishankar:
I had the rare opportunity to meet and talk with Dr. Ravishankar , famous cardio vascular surgeon turned Ayurveda therapist and healer. I profusely thank Meenakshi, my soul sister and her guru Sri VV Ramana murthy garu for the opportunity. Before the consultation we all had a wonderful talk on various things. We may meet and greet people anywhere or somehow. But being able to meet them on a platform of minds where bodies dissolve , receiving the universal energy in the ambient home of Deputy Mayor Shri Dora Babu Garu is the silver lining of life’s learning cake.
What’s so special with Dr. Ravi Shanker? You might ask.. HIS SPECIALITY IS TO CONNECT THE DIVINE FORMULATION CUSTOMISED FOR YOU, TOWARDS YOUR AILMENTS. WHILE HE IS TALKING TO ME, I AM WONDERING MYSELF … AM I IMAGINING THINGS?
WHEN 5 YEARS BACK, ANAND TOLD ME THE SAME DREAM. SAME PATH. I FOLLOWED THAT, THE SAME PATH CAME TO ME IN AN ACCELERATED WAY WITH A MEDICINE, IN FORM OF DR. RAVI SHANKAR. I FOUND TRACE OF THE DIVINE MECHANISM BEHIND MY GROWTH AND CURE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FEELING NEAR NORMAL.
I AM THANKFUL TO HIM IMMENCELY FOR ACCEPTING AND SHARPENING THE DESTINED DIVINITY WITH HIS AFFINITY TOWARDS HEALING AND WELLBEING OF MANKIND.
Everyone has Definite journey and divine task…. For every task, the readiness should be ready to execute that. Thank you for the vision of my compassionate companion.. Pragnanand , for making me to understand , subtlety of PRAGNA (WISDOM) FOR ANAND (HAPPINESS) … And a serenity to know the difference..!!
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