A Noteworthy Note on Doctors Day..

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Well, being daughter of Two Doctors, I have great respect for the Doctors.. ( exactly why I haven’t studied medicine..that I felt may be I couldn’t do the level of sacrifice the profession demands)

Exactly, Same day, 19years back, I am climbing the steps of Famous Hospital In Chennai, along with my friend and cousin brother..!! I was there in Chennai for Coaching to My CA exams and my father adviced me to go and have a check-up with the Famous Surgeon/Orthopedics who has seen many Polio cases. ” you should take appointment and get yourself checked..!” my father insisted.

I always dread visit to hospitals (though had to be in and out of them constantly..!!). So went anyway.. Fist two flight of steps lift worked to the hospital..from then we were told to climb a fleet of 18 steps ( Like last ones to Ayyappa Darshan!! I heard woman are allowed there.. thankfully for hospitals woman and children are allowed..)

So WE started climbing those.. and entered the small doctors chambers without much wait..! He examined me.. Looking at me incredulously by asking ..” How did you come? Why are you panting like this..? ” I answered him patiently with my limited knowledge of my disability..!!

Then he ordered me to wait outside. so my friend and my brother left me in the small waiting area adjoining the doctors chambers and said to me that.. Doctor wants to talk to them and they went outside. I am relaxed and engrossed in society magazine kept there reading juicy juicy gossips..! Fifteen minutes passed and no one has come outside..I don’t know whats happening inside..!

No one is around to tell me anything.. So with Great difficulty i got up from the chair i was sitting and with the support of walls of the cubicle made my entry into the eerily silenced chamber.. to my surprise the scene there is like a Bollywood/Tollywood movie.. of a great climax. Doctor looking smug, my cousin brother (who is from rural setting and little knowledge of English and sophistication) looks utterly confused… my friend is crying putting her dupatta across her mouth..!

I asked..” what is it??”

The three looked at me like a intruder in a horror movie.. Doctor said..er..nothing.. I am discussing your case..! I replied back..” sir.. I have this disability from the beginning..I know a bit..! I know I am not going to die today.. I can handle anything..tell me what it is..My friend is too sensitive… She is not aware of any medical things..!”

Well..then if you want to listen.. He paused with Melo-dramatic silence..

Yes..I said..

Well..I have to tell you that.. If you strain yourself much like this and wish to lead active life of full study, work and physical work if any, you have high chance of going into Post-Polio Syndrome which I doubt you are already in… Yours if one such bad case of full polio..

Well..till date no one has said that much negative prescription to me.. So I was just numb initially..I felt an anger ..a slow one like a fire..

Further he added…” In my calculation, you don’t have much time..!!”

I wanted to play along.. I asked.. with a rage ..HOW LONG DO YOU THINK I WILL LIVE..!!

He said… Uncomfortably.. MAXIMUM 6 MONTHS..!!

I felt drained and don’t want to be there.. I don’t remember what I said to the doctor as everything became hazy to me.. how I dragged my cousin and friend to help me and how I came back to our room…is a feat..For me… till today..!!

That night…when everyone sleeping I recalled my life and fight… I understood that I am scared to die and don’t want to die so soon.. lot to travel and lot to read and more movies will come… they are the first thoughts..!!

And I asked my body… is you dying?? It said.. yes every moment and minute ..One day I will die fully…and my mind said.. Its true to everyone..Not just for you..!!

I just felt wonderful.. all over in love with my body…planned to buy more dresses.. didn’t sleep at all that night.. woke up for coffee..!!

ITS BEEN 19 YEARS TODAY WHEN A DOCTOR WITH LIMITED UNDERSTANDING OF DISABILITY OR LIMITED WAY OF SAYING THINGS MAY BE.. SAID THAT MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED.. NOW IT HAS TURNED INTO YEARS.. I MET MY HUSBAND…GOT MARRIED AND LIVING A LIFE OF BLISS..AND WORKING TOWARDS MY DREAM OF NURTURING ABILITY IN DISABILITY SYSTEMICALLY..!!

Sometimes I wonder… what if the same words were told to someone who gathers depression and who don’t know how to manage his/her disability… What if the same told to a person who just fears his disability.. how long it will take him to love back his life and freedom again..??

LIFE WITH A DISABILITY NEEDS TO BE MANAGED AND LOVED AS IT IS ON A DAILY BASIS…. SOME GREAT DOCTORS INSPIRED ME POSITIVELY BUT WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS SOME CAN HAMPER THE POSITIVISM WITH THEIR IDEAS….!! TREAT IT AS THEIR SYNDROME NOT YOURS..!! NOT EASY BUT NOT DIFFICULT EITHER..

HAPPY DOCTORS DAY…!!

(P.S: the way I deal with the news of my imminent death announced by doctor ….had a huge impact on my friend and cousin. They spoiled me to no end.. Giving me whatever I want..its raining and I want an ice-cream they gave me without complaining and with all the love… and I must confess I shamelessly used the opportunity of my condition of death..!! Now…you don’t tell them and after some time now they grudgingly mock me that you emotionally blackmailed us.. but yes..i have to agree that I truly believed ..PEOPLE WHO HAVE DREAMS BODY IS JUST A TOOL.. MIND WILL FIND ITS OWN WAY TO REACH ITS DREAMS..!! I DREAMPT OF LIVING NOT DYING..!!)

–Sai Padma

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