From the beginning, I was skeptical about certain relationships in the life. One such relationship is marriage. To add fire to fuel, the suitors I got when I was young for marriage, are of persons who either want the comfortable living my parents can provide for their son-in-law or the one who wants to be great by marrying a disabled girl and enjoy the status of a reasonably well-known family. These propositions left me more determined in my thinking that marriage is not for disabled, especially for a woman.

And I was immersed in my work; first as rehabilitation post my spinal cord surgery, then out of immense satisfaction I am getting as a social entrepreneur. There were days when I used to work for 18 hours- a day at a stretch coordinating Vijaya Pratham- an educational initiative work in 200 villages. Life was hectic, busy and I drowned myself in work.

Around those time I met Anand- virtually met him virtually. To explain it, I have seen his profile in internet, offering his services as development professional. At those times, our trust was in need of a professional to evaluate our programs and to represent our organization in Hyderabad. So I interviewed him to represent our organization on a temporary basis. His work is to come once in a month to project areas and interact with ground level workers and give report to me and stake holders as well. Our friendship grew from his visits and there is lot of commonality in our ideas regarding work, life.

But, going to US and studying the organizations run there for disabled is a dream to me. Though many friends called me, I didn’t dared enough to go alone because I was never sure I can manage alone without any help, with a wheelchair, crutches, and leg braces. So desirous to go, I asked one day anand- over phone “ will you come with me to US??” Without a moment hesitation in voice he said- “ YES, if you give me three months time to wrap some projects I have in hand!” This unconditional answer surprised me to no end. Then social side of dealing the impact that an un married man and woman traveling. I asked my father – does he have any problem with this travel companion issue?” He said practically, knowing my desire to see the organizations there in US, “ I don’t have any problem my dear! Take care of your health that’s all!”

Equipped with the confidence that I have company to travel and my father’s encouragement in the kind of the work I wish to do, I started different avenues to go to US. I applied for a South Asian Community to work as volunteer and I got accepted. On behalf of our organization we both applied for a study tour visa. And we have been given a multiple entry visa for 10 years.

Finally, we landed in US of A in May’2007. I don’t wish elaborate the wonderful journey we have had in the USA, for that I am writing in different chapters in the book. But, the way Anand took care of me, I can write volumes. The number of times he folded and unfolded the wheelchair, the sacrifices he made to be my side all the time, the way he supported my work and projects, oh!! The list is endless. Despite being a double post-graduate from a premier institution like IIFM, Bhopal, the way he conducts his life, words, is no less than a budhdhist monk. The unconditional way he reaches out to people and the respectable way he treats any woman amazed me. For the 6 months, he cooked for me, cleaned my mess as and where I don’t have access… to put it in short, he did the work of my legs which stopped working when I am 45days old.

All this has given me greater respect for him. I want to make it clear for the benefit of readers it’s only RESPECT and TRUST for a compassionate human being. Not anything else.

But, everything turned upside down when we came back from US, settled in our own respective places. My sister and aunt who are fond of Anand from the beginning for his simplicity and values, they gave me an ultimatum that if I don’t propose Anand, they will initiate the proposal on behalf of me. I remembered Sir John Abraham’s quote “ people look at things and ask-Why? I look at things and ask Why not??” So with the encouragement of my sister and aunt, I have decided to ask Anand. On a quiet day when he was to visit our projects, I received him at railway station. He was really surprised to see me. We sat in a hotel, had lunch and without mincing the words, I asked him straight on face- Anand! Will you marry me? , without even looking at his face or response I started giving my lecture- which can be described as follows:

First and foremost, if you want to say NO, please say it to me. Tomorrow my family asking you and you saying NO to the proposal will put me and our friendship in an awkward position. If you want to say YES- think about it many times. It’s not easy being married or staying married to a person with disability. You are not only marrying her, but marrying her disability, her hidden fears and phobias too. And further its endless work you got to do as care provider, as most of the persons with disabilities are not sure of their mobility level in the future. I have been going on and on and on…

He listened to me patiently for 10 minutes and stopped me in my lecture- “Yes, I agree for all that! But… a relationship is complete when a whole family accepts the person in to their life. So I need a ten days time to talk to my family, especially my mother!” This again came as a surprise to me. But another sweet surprise to me came in the form of my would-be-mother-in-law, when anand requested her for her permission. She has initial concerns about that a disabled person will be a burden on her son. But sensing how much Anand wants to be with me, she practically said-“what is disability? Today, I am normal. If, tomorrow something happens to me I may end up in wheelchair!. I don’t have any problem with the relationship but you should have enough strength to sustain it!” I am just awestruck when I heard this. We talk of education giving so much understanding and culture, but this coming from a house maker is a real treat for me! I came to know about the deep value set under which he was brought up. Many people talk about ideals, some people just do it silently!

Thus our journey started as a couple with the blessings of both the sides on Mar 26^th, 2008. Marriage was a simple affair of 11 minutes (9/11 pm set time for the muhurat), as I was opposed to long hours- highly ritualistic physical exercise on the part of physically challenged person. Anand seconded my opinion, so many well-wishers who wanted a better marriage for us, were quite disappointed.

Well…coming to the point, every couple faces some hurdle or the other in understanding each other. We are common yet uncommon because I feel of the most critical points that Anand shared.

• What is right is more important than who is right.
• Relationship is successful so long the communication is functional and positive.
• Trust is greater quality which is lacking now-a-days, needs to be infused.
• Disability is a challenge, until you embrace it fully, then it becomes part of you. You will learn how to deal with it
• Relationships need time. Give it. Then you will never have to look back with regret.
• Multi-tasking is efficient in work, not in life.
• Giving each other enough space will not create vacuum, it will create more respect for each other.
• You may not be capable of dealing every situation, but you are capable of giving yourself some time every day.
• The path traveled to reach the destinations is as important as the destination
• Be truthful to your partner. That will create greater bond
• However the day may be, do not carry it the next day. Live in the present. Live in the moment

Hope we will enjoy the “ JOURNEY BEING TOGETHER” with all your friendship..support..blessings!!

©Sai Padma ://IPR all rights reserved

By

Sai Padma Murthy

.

A child-woman entered my life…

On a sunny day not so bright…

Me so down with daily routine tight…

Looking like ten or twelve in age..

You can never tell when you gaze

Frustrated and slated to go for the day..

I want a quick bit of her life..

So I can update the strict data

I try to maintain…

A day that turning into dawn

Danced on her mud streaked face..

Some graffiti on her glistening dress

With so many beads n crystals

Falling some.. Staying some..

I was taken aback by her earnest look

Eagerness for an inclusion

Hovering like the hair framing her face

I tried to be polite… and energetic…

Not so easy trying to profile kids

Name..Address..Location..Education done..

Carelessly I asked… What your daddy do?”

She said…”No daddy…”

I sat a bit tight and right…

What your mummy do?..

I heard my voice trying to match her innocent

Arresting looks…Mamma…mumbled the girl…

Mamma…is a dancer..

Oh!! I thought…a dancer from village..?

I tried to use my intelligence…

No dear…what she does?…go to labor work…?

Straight reply came…Yes madam..”she is labor dance”

Ridiculed and tired..I probed ..What labor dance..?

Suddenly I noticed a rough hand on girls shoulder..

“She is recording dancer madam…!!”

A man in thirties… Silken shirt and sweaty smell..

Who gave me a start…many unanswered questions..

Entertainment akin to exploitation

Dancing away youth and middle age..

Not so safe wooden stages..

Unending shows in farthest villages..

Wedding rituals… Traditional festivals

Dancing girls…. To the tune of life records

Some old songs..some new

Like the facets of their life..

Golden hues of love…. To viperous looks of lust..

Dancing away all at one go..

All for a garland of green green notes..

Head count only of votes….

I came to my senses with a “Madam” in a child voice..

Shooing away the man standing behind…

I saw a flicker of trust in child eyes

My heart moaned… with such tender emotion..

A nameless fear to see the trust..

I looked at my record sheet…

Unable to concentrate.. only one detail left..

Child’s life time ambition…

Hesitantly I mumbled.. What you want to be dear??

Another speed answer… I want to be an engineer!!

Nonplussed …. I heard my “ Why??”

First time the child couldn’t see eye-to eye..

A quiver in her voice… “ I love my mother!”

“She fractured her legs many times…wooden dais break madam”

A ray of confidence now in her voice..

“ I no dancer…I become Engineer”

Still dying with a curiosity.. a voice in me asked..

“Why only Engineer???”

She looked at me.. incredulously..

Teaching me a life I never really know in real..

“ I build good wood dais for many dancing mummy’s!”

I was speechless

The wind echoing the determination of woman

So personified in the child..

I wished to touch her feet…but..

I gathered her in my arms..

Moist heart and bright eyes

For a safe life of her mother…

And many dancing mothers…to the tunes of life..!!!

[Recording Dancers and Dances are common in villages of Andhra Pradesh. These dancers once used to be a trained dancers in traditional skills like Bharatha Natyam etc.. But over the time, the poverty in the dancing community and less people coming in to this profession made this dancing limited to film songs. They dance as troupes mimicking popular film artists. They perform in village festivals and affluent family weddings in village areas. The woman who are in this profession, are the worst treated as per my experience as a social entrepreneur goes. They are neither prostitutes nor affluent dancers. But the treatment they get from the public and health hazards they face is a story in themselves.. many continue to do this work though it’s a seasonal one, just to support their health and their kids future! Its my tribute to many great mothers who face humiliation and suppresses it all behind the thick make-up and place their heart in the right place! This is also my understanding and narrative of the children lives brought up in the households with most unruly timings and concern for health of their mothers. ITS POETIC ADAPTATION OF REAL LIFE INTERVIEWS TAKEN BY MR.PRAGNANANAD – SPM]

©Sai Padma ://IPR: all rights reserved

..A girl and disabled..

..Wish she could earn more..

..She is expensive

…it’s tough to get her married off..

…it’s tough to do service to her

…wish we could do something

…what’s her life when support system breaks off?

These are some thoughts that come to our mind, especially in the minds of care providers and doting parents. In a country, where proper care and education for the woman in general is a second priority and they be treated still as a burden on family, we scare to think of woman with disability, who is @the cross roads of life always…

Such cross roads may be

Different medical treatments

Over protection vs. total neglect

School .Vs. home based study

College vs. correspondence course

Job .Vs. Home based work

Emotional stability vs. physical support

Marriage Vs. independent career only

Initiatives with risk vs. future security

Life outside vs. living in a closet called home

Though, this cross roads are there in everyone’s life but they starkly visible laced with pain of burden in case of a woman with disability. In a society, where most woman trained themselves to be guilty (not all though!) for their birth itself, we can understand what kind of double guilt trap it can be for a woman with disability! But today we got to stand up and take note of woman who is confident, vivacious, and rebellious and a leader of her own forte! Above all, a woman who is at peace with her ABILITY AND AS WELL DISABILITY.

Dear friends… meet MS. DEBASREE BHATTACHARYA, from Kolkata, the city of joy, giving joy of living to Persons with Disabilities saying with a sweet and affirmative tone that THEY ARE DIFFERENTLY ABLED NOT DISABLED thru her network portal (www.dandnetwork.com)

Debasree , as most friends call her Debu fondly, was a naughty younger child of middle class parents, she was affected with severe polio to all her four limbs (most uncommon) at the age of two, seeing their beautiful daughter wither with pain, and her parents tried whatever medical service available and affordable to them! Again at the cross roads of physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, allopath and homeo among others. Some worked some didn’t, finally made Debu to sit. Being from a Bengali joint family debasree’s aunt saw the spark in the crawling child towards education and enrolled her in her home based tuitions. Due to over protective nature of her father, much to debug’s dismay they have enrolled her in nearby school instead of standard school which is away!

Access always plays games with life of disabled person, what Pwd take for granted in some developed countries is a utopian luxury for Indian disabled. But ABILITY don’t play games with hard-working persons, Debu excelled in her school, with the rightful support from principle of the school to students there who wants their miracle child Debu to exceed and excel in life.

Father’s retirement and demise with a long illness, made Debu look back at life and made her more resilient and quite independent in thinking. She says she learned to look at herself normal and the way we see our self only makes us what we are!

Disability and maturity laced with practicality comes a bit early for a woman with disability. To keep week body’s energies intact a severely polio affected person is not supposed to do hard manual type physical works. In this catch22 situation, only education is the light, Debu finished her graduation and wanted to pursue Chartered Accountancy, enrolled into it but couldn’t continue due to lack of accessibility of going outside and pursue the course. Without leaving a stone unturned she learned as many computer applications as she can learn.

A naughty girl turned into a calm and composed woman when Debu entered outside harsh world for a job and social welfare office for assistive devices. The harsh ways a disabled was treated by outside world and their remarks ignited a warm fire in Debu to be self dependent to a rage against system that is so inaccessible for the persons with disabilities. She proudly says the remarks taught her what sort of attitude a disabled person should have.

Debu took lot of her decisions of her life on her own. From appointing a maid for her physical help to focusing on her energies towards a home based job to launching disability networking portal- DIFFERENTLY ABLED NOT DISABLED, an exclusive networking portal for persons with disabilities where they are trying to address most important aspects in life of persons with disabilities, employment, matrimony and news of happenings in the world of disability. You can check their work and news and views at www.dandnetwork.com and their face book page http://www.facebook.com/dandnetwork

Debasree and her team are now trying to make the portal more interactive and add more features. Debu gives credit to her this thinking to technology and the opportunities World Wide Web offers for persons with disabilities.

Debasree today works from home as independent contractor for Toronto Based SEO Company and manages the DAND network portal. Loves books and music and being hailed as one of the efficient employees by her management.

When asked whether marriage was on cards for this beautiful young woman, she shrugs it off with a “nay” she says with all due respect to institution of marriage, she doesn’t see herself fit into that institution. May be I didn’t bump into right friend yet…she says! But one thing that really irks her is the way disabled were made a creature of sympathy. She says disgustingly “the mockery sometimes we can laugh it off! But insensitivity has to be fought off! Inclusion doesn’t happen sitting at home!” She expresses concern about too much political affiliation of NGOs working with disabled. It’s a diversion to the cause- she feels!

What Debasree points our casually, is in the mind of every woman with disability..Fighting with society, system by straight shooting one question..

ARE WE JUST OUR BODIES AND LIMITATIONS?? WHAT ABOUT OUR WIT, WISDOM, LOVE AND LOYALTY??

Here Debasree points out some pertinent questions, about marriage vs. meaningful relationships, a freedom that needed to life to the fullest. She asks why sensuality of Indian woman with disability is such a taboo subject. Why she is just treated as an object of either over protection of utter neglect?

Dear friends… when you visit Kolkata next time, don’t forget to touch base with the most independent woman living in a most inaccessible old house in a highly populated city of joy! Give my respect to her and wish her good luck in trying to weave a virtual family of persons with disabilities! Its not important how super successful we are or not, it’s important that whether we started the journey or not! I am sure Debasree will be successful in helping many!

Debasree smiles it off cutely- saying that that’s her goal to live in the most accessible home of my own with full independence and running my organization, of course being a die-hard romantic may be in a relationship too!!

That’s the way to go dear girl…

ACCESS LIFE @ YOUR OWN PACE AND FOR YOUR OWN PEACE!!

© Sai Padma IPR:// all rights reserved.

World over, December 3^rd is celebrated as the day of persons with disabilities. Why there should be a day for it? Was my question as a child. So frustrated I am, because of my disability and the rehabilitation associated with it…. My temper and arrogance and hatred with my twisted body made my mind also twisted. There were days when I didn’t believe in love, life, trust, honesty for that matter any positive feeling!!

But, I was a great actor; I hid them successfully, behind a plastic smile of duty. A sense of loyalty to pay back to the upbringing I have received, the courage so engraved like a strict lessons by my grandmother barely stayed me afloat. But the inner turmoil is always on!

The journey from WHY ME? WHY ME?? …to….WHY NOT ME? WHY CANT ME? Is not an easy journey that can be fitted nicely in an article, but I wish to try that for various reasons….

I remember today..

The day I came to know I can’t walk normal

The day I learned that I can’t dance

the days my parents feared I cant talk let alone sing..

The day I pleaded my mother to get my uterus removed as I can’t bear pain as woman and disabled

The days I have to spend on bed just looking at ceiling without a pillow for two long years

The days of holidays when every child goes for vacation, spent in hospital in two white gowns and bundle of surgical sutures!

The days when every part of my body pains unbearably with just a touch or wisp of air!

The day when they used to eliminate my name in every competition I wish to take part- just they can’t give me access!

The days when people used to conveniently forget my name when they wish to travel or social functions!

The days when some people consider at least male disabled is better in family than female disabled!

The day I wanted to die without bearing sheer physical and mental pain of disability & exclusion!

The day I wanted to vanish with shame when people tried to cheat you emotionally with just an arrogant understanding that “ what this disabled person can do!”

Oh! Feels so heavy to think again..! To wheel down the memory lane… When I wanted to die a friend said..Why you wanted to die? I said “I want to end this pain and humiliation!!” she said-“what about future Pleasure and Love, you wish to rob yourself of that?” for that I have no answer than

STARTED LIVING WITH RESPECT AND DIGNITY AND WAIT FOR REAL LOVE WITH POSITIVE ATTITUDE!

See the confidence the above sentence creates in anyone!

So today I remember the following:

the days I sang for my self and helped many..

The day I met my love

The day I could propose my feelings to him.. Without worrying about rejection

The day I handled unknown pressure that I can’t travel alone to United States and live there

The day subtle criticism about being independent is nipped at the bud…

The days I traveled in USA relatively alone

The day I chose Social Service as my profession

The day I started writing..

The time when counseling families and persons with disabilities gave me immense joy..

The day I started my NGO for persons with disabilities and poor..

The days we are taking rejections together as a team… And still trying to help persons with disabilities

The confidence they feel just looking at me and my husband..

The life I chose to live… Not as a pity but as an equal opportunity!!

The reason I am living and writing and helping many like me is a manifestation of inclusion. It’s not just story of me… it’s the life of many persons with disabilities…

You may ask what I want out of this…

I want YOU to…

· Treat disability as natural and normal

· Give them equal opportunities

· Love them as they are… they will tell you what beauty is!

· Teach them their rights.. no big difference than human rights

· Include them in the development

· Help them grow, so the development picture completes!

· Don’t rob them of life’s basic pleasures like sex, marriage, children and love associated with all!

· LET THEM LIVE… BUT WITH DIGNITY & RESPECT

CELEBRATE INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PERSONS WITH DISABILITIES’2011 NOT JUST THIS DAY BUT WITH ALL OF YOU.. EVERY DAY!

saipadma@gmail.com

Sai Padma://IPR: All rights reserved

The vibrant it is…The lactiferous it is

Through millions…Never complaining

Our ravaging ambitions..Our greed than need..

To spoil the blood of Red sand dunes…

How does it feel??

To suck our blood drop by drop

To make it concrete gray…

With a pretext that life if infused us…

Like on a ventilator…

Artificial from surface to the core…

A life stream that is running thru ages

The only thing that we can give

To a not so fearful future generations

What a fate… that we have to ask us

TO SAVE US!!

The dunes witnessing our greed

Silently…helplessly…our foolish deeds

Of creating plastic heaps of material lives

Concrete loads of cadavers’

The land once so rich welcoming all..

With great grief looking at the

Peeling of layer by layer of its

Precious wealth carefully wrapped for future generations

Now…looking with helpless anguish…

Like a woman whose wares are being stripped..

Just to dominate her natural beauty with

Borrowed fashions of bygone eras

Every particle of sand…particularly saying this..

To an unhearing audience…

Warped in their minds..

In multiplexes and maddening malls…

Whispers a noise behind…

To look at the blazing and bleeding

Red sand dunes …

So vibrant they are …so lactiferous they are..

It’s not just danger for them!!

It’s CODE RED to NATURALLY BORN HUMAN

Given by nature… albeit so naturally!!!

ITS CODE RED FOR OUR COLD BLOODED GENERATION!!

[In Visakhapatnam, due to rapid expansion of the city, the red sand dunes paved the way for concrete structures and multi-storeyed buildings between the Naval Coastal battery and Peda Waltair. Yendada and adjoining villages on the outskirts of the city also had abundant red sandhills. But the red hills were gradually flattened in the course of various constructions that came up along the beach…. Its my wail for a treasure we are losing ever and forever!!]

Photography © Pragnanand

The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions or anywhere or in any form without the prior approval of the PHOTOGRAPHER.

© Sai Padma- IPR:// All rights reserved

Criss-crossing lines, head lights
Life passing on high-way
As if nothing happened
In the headlights pale yellow
Crimson flashy lipstick
Visible from a far away windshield
To solicit customers
I stopped with halting creek
Into the world of oldest profession
Running from ages..
The rules are same
Game is old…
Revisiting the darker side
Of temporary passions
Saving lives…saving families
In the same friendly darkness
Life is at stand-still
Like a spent passion
Hunger, sex… providing it all
With the same dull energy
Of an reluctant night
The duty has to be done
The night has to pass…
Leaving way for another night
Of bruises and fulfilling the
Unfulfilled desires…
Of mankind…this is rarely kind…
Forgetting the old bruises
The high-way sex workers
Get ready for another night of
Borrowed energy and stuffy make-up
The dhabas so protected…
The trade in the corners and
Among mushy bushes
Not so protected..
“We have some problems”
Says the trader of flesh…
This is what I have, she says
Just body… don’t prod your brains
For the matter which stuck
With either an ailing husband
Or to be educated children…
The problem is not me..
The problem is society..
Sometimes in uniform..
Sometimes not..
But they demand what they ought not..
“ I am fine” says she…
Don’t try to help me..
My life is gone… body is spent
This remnants.. I don’t care
But have to work some more time
To realize the distant dream..
“help me with female condoms”
Begs she…..to a chokingly shocked me..
I can’t force them to wear… I have to work
Just some more time…
I am numb with practicality…
Mustering all my courage…
I could barely utter…
“How you know female condoms??”
Oh… You don’t know this??… She is nonplussed
My clients are my university
Education you people never
Thought either important
Or respectable…
“That’s Ok! “She pitied my ignorance…
She explained…
“Dear… I can’t force my clients to wear one..
They don’t listen…”
So one old client… on a sober night..
Advised me to have female condoms…
Before my expression turns from grief
To unfathomable compassion
Which is washing over me
Like an unexpected chill…
She offered me some tea..
“Come lets drink… We both ladies..
We can talk”
I followed her…with an unknown awe..
“Don’t worry I will pay for the tea…”
She promised magnanimously…
Two lonely woman drinking tea..
On a dull night… of pale yellow vapor..
Cars and trucks fast going on high-way..
A golden silence crept between us..
She has nothing to say…
I am too muted to ask..
She paid for the tea..
From her treasure purse stuffed in blouse..
I felt it’s the best tea I have ever tasted
Honest treat I have ever got…
Ethically sweet like sweat of love…
She gave me a friendly smile..
Proudly said…” he makes best tea for me and my….”
I nodded yes..
It’s time to leave for me
Work for her…
I said bye with my eyes…
She looked at me… like a mother
Like a woman…
We may never meet again…
I sat in my car…..she said..
Whispering tones…
“Amma! You read a lot, if you know female condoms..
Let me know.. Leave message at this dhaba..
I will get it!!!”
With that she left
Muttering…..
“just some more time… to realize my dream!!”
I hit the high-way again..
Glistening car windows… they are my moisten eyes
Just some more time…. Echoing in my heart
And jaded soul of human values…!!

The High-Way Sex Work/Workers who does their trade on National High-ways are on rise. The irony of their life is, they are all poor woman from nearby villages/towns where they don’t reveal about their profession in their home town. The poem depicts real facts which may or may not be palatable to some sections of society. This is my learning out of High-way sex workers on NH43. I RESPECT THEM AS I RESPECT MY MOTHER AND SISTER. Their neglect on health is making them more vulnerable to many diseases including HIV/AIDS  This is causing problems as their health and other psycho-social problems are completely neglected as THEY LEAD A DOUBLE LIFE! AT THE COST OF LIFE!!-SPM

© Sai Padma: IPR:// All rights reserved.

I have but only one life

I have but only one body

I love my life & body with all its

Abilities & Disabilities

They make me unique

They make special !!

Thanks for making me naturally special !

– © / IPR: Sai Padma

You make us cry! You make us laugh!
You are wonderful intelligent
Witty alcoholic…
Whom I can never forget in my
Day or night
Even in my insomniac dreams…
Your humor, valor, courage…
Slowly crumbling before a drop
You are in intoxication…
We are living in toxicity left by you…
Polluting the environment drop by drop
Driven by constant fear you propel
Lives your loved ones…
Love… the most convenient phrase used by you
Confused for real.. by others…
We try and try and try
To make you humane…wait for sobriety
Never realizing the bottle has taken you over
Again and again
And we are losing and losing…
There is hope… but you see it as rope
Around your neck… fatal for you!
Never wanting to know you…
Emotions thrown out of logic window…
Like the bottles you throw away…
Scared kids with innocent looks
Their tranquility crushed mercilessly…
Innocence forgotten…
Environment around you…
Feels and lives in lies…
Lies like facts everywhere…
You think your deeds are anonymous
Becoming synonymous to sins
On your body, mind and forgotten soul
People start hating you unanimously
Your anonymity with bottle gone to the wind
And identity with it begins

Inhibitive and instinctively
Damaging relations…
A woman’s drop of a tear…
A child’s silent cry…
The unbearable guilt of parents
The helplessness of friends and family..
What have you done…my dear?
Come on… Wake up…

Out Of

Self-imposed intelligence
“I know where to stop!” attitude…
Convenient theory of logic…
Labeling addiction as social drinking…
Come out… come out please!
Though the world around you is not the same
They are still your own!!
Wake up before it’s too late!
Later it will be late for a life time!!!

Mrs. Shridevi Muralidhar, Project Nishedh, V.B.Raju Health Foundation:

        I haven’t met Sridevi Muralidhar personally. But when you see and interact with her, its like you have known her from considerable amount of time, When I was desperate about seeking help for someone, I browsed net and found about her book on children of alcoholic persons and their plight, through a website. And the website said… the book is free for anyone to ask for. At that point of time, I am also counseling families of some alcoholics and closely working with some groups interested in helping the communities. I thought to myself…oh wow! A book for free in these days… I sent the designated e-mail a request wanting for a book, and immediately got reply on how many copies would I be needing?- amazed by their fastness in response, I hesitantly ordered some copies. They are delivered to my home address for possible distribution to the needy. After reading that book, which is in Telugu, I couldn’t contain myself and called Project Nishedh. Then I get to talk to Mrs. Shridevi Muralidhar, one woman behind the wonderful, but patient and often thankless work of V.B.RAJU Health Foundation, which is working on most neglected part of our society, alcoholics and their children. When I talked with her, I understood what importance her work is having and how she is doing it with just grit and determination with single motto- people have to be aware of ill effects- she is unfolding the blindfold of the alcoholic families and to take them towards healthy relationships overall. She is trying to help children on how to get out of the constant guilty feeling they face and protect their childhood.
MOST IMPORTANTLY SAVING A GENERATION OF CHILDREN FROM ALCOHOLIC STIGMA AND DISCRIMINATION!

        People don’t talk about inconvenient things, especially if such things are within the family. They try to hush up themselves, their conscience and their thinking adjusted to addiction in the family over a period of time. Shridevi Garu says- it’s like adopting and nurturing an elephant, beginning its ok and cute, later you can never afford it and it grows big enough and pain enough for the rest of your life!
I feel enlightened to meet her, honored to befriend her, just bow to her indomitable spirit and compassion in CLEANING OUR HOMES OF ADDICTION WHICH WE FAIL TO DO!

The reviews of her books are in the following links:

Avishakrana- book authored by Mrs. Shridevi Muralidhar- Book review by CP brown academy
http://www.cpbrownacademy.org/Book%20Review2/189.htm
By website www.64kalalu.com
http://www.64kalalu.com/book-review

http://www.eemaata.com/em/foreword-201011/1641.html

http://aksharajalam.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/%E0%B0%AC%E0%B1%81%E0%B0%9C%E0%B1%8D%E0%B0%9C%E0%B0%BF-%E0%B0%93-%E0%B0%AE%E0%B0%82%E0%B0%9A%E0%B0%BF-%E0%B0%AA%E0%B1%81%E0%B0%B8%E0%B1%8D%E0%B0%A4%E0%B0%95%E0%B0%82/

Further, she has authored first illustrated book on the condition of children belong to alcoholic persons/families. The book also narrates how to detect behavioral issues of such children. This book acts as manual and guide to not only parents, but teachers who could identify and help the children facing such problems. The link to the free E-magazine called Bujji ( Cute Little One’ in telugu) is below:

http://emag2a.pressmart.com/Pragati/>

Please go through it, the exciting part of the magazine is you don’t need to know Telugu, it’s so well illustrated.

THE BOOK IS AS UNIVERSAL AS THE ALCOHOL PROBLEM IT DEALS WITH!

Mrs. Shridevi can be contacted @ projectnishedh@gmail.com

The address to their foundation:

V.B.Raju Social Health Foundation,
SRAVANA, 2-2-19/1, F-6,
Durgabai Deshmukh Colony,
Hyderabad-500007

Kudos to unsung heroes dealing with a problem like alcoholism in a country like India.
My deepest adoration to Mrs. Shridevi Muralidhar- certainly a great inspiration for me and many!

Lotus Beats- saipadma@gmail.com © all rights reserved.

  Abha @ 18 with her Parents

Well, meet Ms. Abha Khetarpal, aged eighteen (that’s when she started writing poetry in Hindi, so the way she has grown is just biological number), founder and principle counselor of Cross the Hurdles, a resource and counseling website for persons with disabilities, a triple masters degree holder, a teacher to the university level students, a compassionate company to her friends around the globe, a counsellor with a difference, above all a person with disability due to polio and suffering from post polio syndrome, above all, a loving friend and great woman!!

Abha contracted polio at the age of two and half years. Her parents being migrants from Burma were not aware of the disease and vaccine was not administered and she was affected with polio in a train journey. Nothing could be done really for the fatal loss which reduced Abha’s mobility completely and limiting her to wheelchair finally. My parents tried every thing Abha says with a determined acceptance and a loving tone, “There was a period when I got all, massages from pig fat to the innumerable assistive devices in the name of rehabilitation”- Abha confirms the plight of a person with disability even residing in capital of country and only daughter of academicians. “I am glad they were into academics.. I inherited the love towards studies naturally”- she reiterates like a happy student who understood the real fun in academics, which led her romance with studies and writing on various subjects including most intricate counseling, psychology, literature, poetry among other subjects like economics. “Teaching is my bread and butter i.e… sorry daal chawal”, Sweetly laughs Abha. She runs a coaching centre for graduate and post graduate level students, which is the career path she has chosen.

As  a kid, studies eluded her as schools were not accessible, they couldn’t include a person with disability. One school agreed finally, but post those schools again distance mode education. But acceptance of condition and adapting to it is so necessary, declares abha… that gives enough strength and see the life from different perspective. Numbers of surgeries were done on her including a spinal cord surgery to help her stabilize where now she has to live with 8 inch iron rod in her spine for the rest of her life. That’s the surgery that was prescribed to protect my lungs… Abha says matter-of-factly. Traversing the virtual world, like a fish in sea of smiling faces, who sees only ability but not disability, made Abha continue her writing and counseling with sheer determination to help others. She wanted to ease pain of others, make their journey easier and fun! Hence there was the birth of Cross the Hurdles www.crossthehurdles.com which is soon going to be a registered Non-profit. Abha is trying to get her romance with words in black and white…she is trying to get her books published. We see the accomplishments of a person, and say,,,What a wonderful work she has been doing! A friend said sometimes back, by saying so, people closes their share of responsibility and a common understanding and sharing and trying to respect and help. People just simply say- you are great, you can do that!!. Such things are common in every disabled person’s life, especially woman, their emotional needs are grossly neglected Abha says. To help many such persons who are living, buried in their own fear prisons, Abha started free counseling through her website. She believes in virtual counseling. When asked, “Will that be helpful?” She confidently says, “YES…they confide in a voice than a person who is face-to- face and sometimes they confess their innermost fears, including their sexuality problems etc…” Kudos to Abha, who is doing the job of listening patiently, she puts an unimaginable 30 hours per week on social work, without expecting anything in return. It’s my job; she answers calmly, “I can understand us better!”- is Abha’s motto in continuing her relentless counseling sessions. “Now I don’t plan too much, Abha says with enlightened acceptance, I like to do one by one, to the extent of my energy, I don’t fear anything anymore”- Abha confirms.

career is one problem many persons with disabilities facing on a daily basis, Abha sighs. Most of the options available are not accessible at all, and if they are, most of the disabled can’t afford it! She is of the opinion that, India needs many more committed leaders with the same focus so that many students with disabilities can contribute in the process of development. 

“Marriage and finding a companion is another problem we face”, she opines. “We are not a society conducive to open talk about issues and further the expectation on a wife/companion is much higher with a stereotype belief that women with disabilities are a burden, they can’t bear children. That belief is there among disabled men also”- Abha says with a wry smile. “Society thinks a Pwd is asexual, family thinks we only have career needs, men with disabilities think they can love us only if we are not disabled, friends think we are great… all leading sometimes to our own self-portrait more scary than we really are!’ Abha summates her experiences in a nutshell. And further adds, “I don’t want any disabled person to succumb to helplessness and deep depression. I wish to help as many as I can to come out of that abyss!”

This is the journey of simpleton Abha Khetarpal, a small, slow and sure candle turning into great radiance, that’s what her name means- Radiance. ““now days, I don’t plan too much, Abha says with enlightened acceptance. “I like to do one by one, to the extent of my energy, I don’t fear anything anymore”- Abha confirms. On responding to question how she wishes to death should knock her door, she says, “While I am sleeping!!” and what her epitaph should say, she answers instantly-

“ABHA OR THE RADIANCE WOULD NEVER DIMINISH!”

You can read more about her views and news on www.crossthehurdles.com and www.abhakhetarpal.in Talking to Abha made me think about Lov’Ability of disability. Presenting my version of sheer respect to the hidden love that world needs!

Lovable Ability….

Tell me why? Oh why?

Your body decides your fate…??

Not your mind and heart anymore?

What if you have imperfect in body?

Where it is a hindrance in enjoying life To the fullest…!!

Why love has to be conditional

And why life has to be irrational??

All questions… Leading and loading in my mind…

Everyone says they want love…

Peace and bliss… a belongingness Truly they can call their own…

Tell me friends…

if anywhere they say They want a perfect physical form…

If form decides ….

The cool breeze you are in

The slow, comfortable silence

The depths you feel in a soothing voice…

The way you relieve your stress…

Like a warm support out of frozen life…

My dear friend…

it has nothing to do With a hour glass figure

Or a legacy you are not sure you wish to carry!!

LOVE THE ABILITY… TO CARE AND SHARE

LIFE IS FOR BLISS…NOT FOR BIAS!!

© Sai Padma Murthy, all rights reserved.

           My name is Sai Padma. I am a law graduate and a disability rights activist and I run an NGO for the persons with disabilities by name Global AID (Ability In Disability). I am a physically challenge person by polio, and a wheelchair user. I am an aspirant in Junior Civil Judges Screening test conducted on 26-6-2011 by High Court of Andhra Pradesh. The exam was conducted in the premises of Dr.Lankapalli Bullayya College, Visakhapatnam.
          I applied to JCJ screening test on the basis of Physically Challenged quota reserved for Orthopedically Handicapped Persons, and duly submitted my application along with my disability certificate.  My husband Mr. Pragnanand went to the venue a day before the date of examination and was told that High Court of AP is conducting the exam so they will look after the seating arrangement.
         We went to the exam hall on 26-6-2011 at sharp 9Am. But much to our dismay, no ground floor seating was provided to me. I was allotted seat in Room No.521 (First floor) in Block-V.   I became upset and subsequently tensed at the situation. Despite explaining my physical condition (including surgery for scoliosis) and humble request from my husband, they refused to consider allotting seat in the ground floor in the opposite blocks (Block-II or Block-III). Instead they offered people to carry me on the wheelchair. We agreed as there was no other option.
        A total of five people carried me, who are untrained in handling the wheelchair. They, with the help of my husband, lifted the wheelchair, on to the 10 steps at the entrance of the block and several to reach the first floor. It’s entirely a painful and stressful experience for me, who was operated for spinal cord.
        In exam hall, I was allotted corner seat and I had to write my exam in wheelchair clutching a writing pad which I carried with me. After finishing the exam, I came to know that another candidate, also a person with disability using walker faced the same situation like me. 
        I wished to meet the High Court Justice who happened to be monitoring the examination and appraise of the problems faced by persons with disabilities. After finishing the exam me and my husband approached the room in which he was present (same floor where I appeared for the exam) and waited outside for about 15 minutes for seeking permission to meet him. We were stopped by many people asking what work I have with him. We explained them patiently, but finally a lean person (bearded) came outside the room came and said, Hon’ble Justice is busy and can’t spare time.
        We got really frustrated and said we intended to take the matter to the next level. Then from inside, a District Judge of Visakhapatnam came and said a simple sorry and inconvenience regretted and stated that seating allotment was made in Hyderabad and they have no say & can’t help
      Again, I have faced the ordeal of being carried by 5 to 6 untrained persons, who almost tumbled while lifting the wheelchair and landed the wheelchair like sudden drop onto the ground that caused the extreme pain in my right shoulder and back bone.
      Dear friends… here I am not finding fault with few individuals. But our judiciary system and country consists of 1 billion disabled persons and their basic access needs have to be considered when we talk about equal opportunities.
      If the judiciary system cannot make accessible arrangements for persons with disabilities, not sensitive for their own members (Advocates) accessibility to profession, if there is no systems and procedures  to address our problems and follow, this is serious concern to all. If judiciary system itself do not pay attention in the arrangement related to a simple seating allotment, and if the person who monitors does not have the power to take decision on re-allotment and lastly few minutes to hear to the person who faced the trouble, I have to just express: what more can, we, the persons with disabilities, expect from Judicial system meant to do justice under the Constitution.
      I am hopeful that learned disabled community and other professionals will support our move to make Judiciary System accessible first to make our voice hear.

Global AID is trying address this issue further, to save many like us, Please give your valuable suggestions/feedback on this!

                If any one have similar kind of story, share with me. Let’s be human enough to help ourselves.

You can reach me

Sai Padma- 905 262 7070

saipadma@gmail.com

sai.globalaid@gmail.com